The One I Love Is... A side-story to chapter 7 - Friends or Rivals? Written by Axel Terizaki Assisted by Alain Gravel Based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX Based on situations created by Alain Gravel First draft finished on November 8th, revised on November 15th 1999 Second draft finished on November 21st 1999 Final draft finished on November 28th 1999 (*) See translation notes for details ======================================================================== "Damn you, Misato!" I swore loudly in the hallway of the apartment building we lived in; Misato, Shinji, me... and... I don't want to think about HER. Not that Misato gave me much choice. I can't believe that woman! She was so drunk she forgot to buy food, and now there I was, in front of Wonder Girl's apartment... the apartment Shinji used to live in a few days ago, before he got... absorbed in his damned Unit-01, as Dr. Akagi said. I know he's not dead. I can feel it. But still... I swear that when he'll come back, I'll beat the living schiess out of him... before taking him in my arms and kissing him as hard as I can! There I was in front of her door... Ayanami Rei... the doll my Shinji played with. The doll I call Wonder Girl. Pathetic, I'm going to ask a doll if I can borrow some food from her. I reluctantly pushed the button of her doorbell and waited. The door opened after a few seconds. Wonder Girl stood in the doorway. She had her usual emotionless look on her face. I hate it. "What do you want?" she asked, in her annoyingly monotone voice. "Listen, Wonder Girl! Misato forgot to buy food so I want you to give us some!" I replied, trying to sound as irritating as I could. She seemed to think about what I had just said for some moments and took a few steps back. "You may come in." I entered her apartment. It looked like a mess. A rather strange sight, in fact. I always heard that Ayanami was a tidy girl, unlike me. But as I saw the state of her apartment... I realized that Shinji must have been doing all the chores in there... "What kind of food would you like?" Her question startled me. This pulled me out of my thoughts. "I don't know! Some instant ramen will do!" I had changed a lot these days. Shinji's disappearance affected all of us, I think. I was a lot more aggressive. I remember having hit Kensuke more than usual at that time. Usually, I only threw curses and swear words at him, but the previous day... I sent him to the infirmary, which caused me to be suspended from school for a day. Misato had been mad as hell and it had been hard to calm her down once I arrived home. Even Wonder Girl changed. She just... reverted to her old self to everyone's surprise, and to my greatest annoyance. Shinji, you're such a jerk! Have you seen what we all became because of you!? My thoughts were again interrupted by Ayanami's monotone voice. "I do not have any ramen." "Humph! I should have known!" I eyed her carefully from head to toe. While I thought she would be in her school uniform, like I was right now, the only thing she had one was a pair of blue panties barely visible under the shirt she was wearing. She has bad taste. White or red are much more sexy colors. Not that I care about how she looks, mind you. In fact, I should be happy! It probably only made me more attractive. I resumed my careful observation and stopped suddenly as I noticed some important detail. I gasped in shock. That bitch! "Is there something wrong?" she asked, probably noticing the increasing fury on my face. "You... you bitch! This is Shinji's shirt! Haven't you no respect for the dead?!" Why did I say those words? I knew they were wrong... "He is not dead and you know it well." "Of course I know! He's been absorbed into Unit-01, all because YOU failed to take care of that damn Angel!" "You also failed in stopping the Angel." Gott in Himmel, please hold me back from killing her... "I didn't! It just took me by surprise! And where were you anyway? Some backup you are... it would have died if you had been there to do your job!" No way she could reply to this... "I had been ordered to go out in Unit-01, but it rejected me." I hate to be taken by surprise. But here was a chance to gloat. "You're so pathetic! I'm sure Unit-01 would never do that to me." "I'm sure it would. Unit-01 is a very special unit. Also, take note that you did not participate in the compatibility tests performed four months ago." Schiess, she had me! Let's change the subject, quickly. "That's not the point!" "You are right. The real issue here is that you never tried to protect him from harm. All you think about is you and your pride." I gasped again. I hate it when she's right. "Love consists of giving affection and protection, something you never gave him." she added, as if she was all-wise. "Don't lecture me!" I was frowning and gritting my teeth in anger. I didn't really notice it, but I clenched and unclenched my fist, much like Shinji sometimes did. "You took his love, but did not share it back. You preferred to use him and hurt him instead, trying to take even more from him. That is why he rejected you and came to me. He should never have forgiven you. You are not worthy of him." I had heard enough. How dare she?! Anger became rage. In my mind, I visualized the Thirteenth Angel attack and Unit-01 tearing Unit-03 apart. The first time I had seen the video, I felt almost sick... but now... I wished to do just the same; me being Unit-01 and her being Unit-03. I wished I could do the same, beat her up into bloody pulp, tear her apart limb by limb... yes... The line between sanity and furious madness was suddenly crossed. With a raging primal battle cry, I closed the gap between us and threw both of my fists towards her face, wanting that porcelain face of her to blow into a shower of red. I let out a frustrated scream, as she caught both my fists in her hands and squeezed, not hard enough to break the bones, but hard enough to hurt. Part of my mind remembered that this wasn't the first time she had done that. It had happened once... I wasn't thinking straight, I couldn't recall exactly when, but I remembered the pain and humiliation. "Sterbe!!!" (*) The girl may have had excellent reflexes, but with her holding my hands this prevented her from avoiding my foot. I kicked her in the stomach as hard as I could, knocking the wind out of her. She let go of my fists but while she remained on her feet, her head fell, giving me an opportunity I took as I planted my knee right on her mouth. Unfortunately, I missed my initial target of her nose, which I had intended to shove right up her brain. It did, however, hurt her, as I finally heard her moan in pain. She spat some blood and something that looked like a tooth. I wasn't satisfied, though. I tried to hit her again, but this time she caught my foot and made me loose my balance, sending me to the floor. Out of instinct, I rolled out of her reach and jumped back on my feet. My anger increased as I noticed how she looked at me with those expressionless eyes. As if what had just happened didn't mean a thing to her. I charged again, and again she blocked my punch. What the girl neglected however was that I had received hand to hand combat training. And while I was far from being a martial artist, I could do more then just punch or kick. Using a judo move, I threw her in the air, showing more strength than I would have in my everyday life. She landed on the low table nearby, yelping in surprise but mainly in pain. I think I also heard a snapping sound. As she tried to get up, the girl was clearly in pain. This suited me fine. Taking advantage of my opponent's weakness, I ran towards my prey and kicked her hard in the ribs, using my gained momentum and all my strength. If Ayanami had been a football, she would have probably flown away through the roof. But she was much more heavier than I expected and I yelped in pain as I hurt my foot. But my pain became secondary as I heard her scream. So I kicked her again and again and again while I laughed like a maniac. Some part of me knew that this was all wrong, but I didn't care. I had dreamed of the day I would be able to beat her into a pulp. I had dreamed of the day I would be able to break that damned doll into bits and pieces. The day I would erase her out of my life. When she finally stopped squirming and yelling, I figured that she had lost consciousness and I stopped kicking. I was a bit tired and my feet were feeling as if they were on fire. Also, it wasn't fun if she didn't feel the pain. Having calmed down a bit and feeling satisfied, I headed toward the kitchen to look for something to eat. Nothing looked very tasty, so I figured that I would just order take out. I felt I deserved it. I froze as I came back in the living room. Ayanami was now standing up. Her right arm hung limply, while the other was clutching her right side where I had kicked her. Blood was pouring freely out of the corner of her mouth as well as from one of her eyebrows, which was already badly swollen. She must have hit her head when she fell on the table. What had stopped me dead in my tracks however was the look in her eyes. Not the usual emotionless look but rather a burning anger. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel disgusted when I looked into those red eyes, but rather fearful. That realization re-ignited back the hatred within me. Sohryu Asuka Langley didn't fear anyone! So I stared back at her the same way she stared at me. "I warned you before. I tried to avoid hurting you. But now, you pay." Her voice had been barely louder then a whisper, but I heard her very clearly. So the game was over... it was time for the true fight to begin. She took me by surprise as she literally jumped at me, tackling me to the floor. I wouldn't have expected such a savage act by Miss Perfect Wonder Girl. A bit dazed from the fall, I just barely avoided the punch she threw at me. It hit the floor a mere centimeter from my head and I clearly heard something break under the carpet. My instincts kicked in as I saw her raise her fist, the knuckles covered with blood. I tried to free myself and we ended up rolling over a few times, wrestling and hitting each other with our fists, elbows and knees, before I finally managed to get on top of her. I yelped as I felt her nails bury themselves into my arms. The fight literally turned into a catfight, as we began to use our nails to scratch each other as deeply and as painfully as we could. Seeing that she wasn't getting the upper hand, Ayanami gave up the idea, grabbed my hair and pulled, making me scream by surprise and pain as she ripped off a handful of red hair. How dare she?! My beautiful hair! I retaliated by scratching all the harder, but all I did was increasing the pain I was feeling, this time at the tip of my fingers. In fact, I howled in pain, as two of my fingernails broke while scratching her. She would pay for this! At that point, I was so possessed by my fury that I didn't realize until later what I tried to do. I put both my hands around her pale neck, and began to squeeze, hard. The thought that I was trying to kill her didn't cross my mind. And even if it did, I'm not sure I would have cared. All that mattered to me at that moment was to pay her back for my pain and get rid of her. I felt fingers at the base of my neck at a second after, I felt some sharp pain. Then, I blacked out. * * * "Mama! Mama..." I think I whispered these words in my sleep, or more exactly, in a state between consciousness and sleep. I could feel warmth... something soft under me... something... reassuring. Mama? Maybe I was in Heaven. That bitch probably killed me and I was in Heaven now. I'd be able to see Mama now! No more Angels...no more EVAs... no Wonder Girl to poison my life... no... no Shinji... NO! I want to be with him! "Shinji..." As I slowly woke up, the pain I felt all over my body made me realize that I was still alive. You're not supposed to feel pain when you're dead. That's what people say, anyway. I slowly opened my eyes, to be greeted by the sight of two round orbs of flesh under a torn shirt. I frowned, confused. I was still very groggy, and had trouble realizing where I was. "You are awake." Those words startled me. This was... Wonder Girl's voice? I looked up to see a pair of red eyes. Then, I looked back at those breasts I had slept on... then that feeling, that warmth I... it was... her? And I thought she was... Mama? Gott in Himmel... I must have been going nuts... how could I be so mistaken? Mama wasn't as flat as a board! "You slept for nearly one hour." "Oh." It was all that I could say. Slowly, the details of our previous fights were coming back to me. I couldn't believe that I had done some of the things I did. But... as I looked at us... our torn and bloodied clothes, those bruises and cuts... I looked at Ayanami... I could barely see her right eye because of the way it was swollen... the dried blood on her white skin... they way it had turned purple in the place I had hit her... "What happened to us?" I whispered, more to myself then to her. "We fought for a futile reason." I looked at her again. No trace of anger in her eyes. Why didn't she hate me? She was capable of emotions; I had seen the hate in her eyes when she attacked me. But it wasn't there now. "You were wearing Shinji's shirt..." "Yes." Had I been mistaken? Was Ayanami... a normal girl? "It's completely torn apart now..." I laughed. It surprised me as much as it seemed to surprise her. How strange. For once, I wasn't laughing at her or at myself... "Why are you laughing?" "Because this... this is all so stupid..." "Indeed. I do not think he would like us to fight..." I gasped. She was right. Again. I was a genius. I probably had a higher IQ then her. Yet, of the two of us, I was the fool. I found myself... admiring her. How surrealistic... "You're right... he wouldn't like to see us fight." "Why are we fighting?" "We are fighting for him I suppose. For his heart." "Is this right?" "I don't know." "Are we hurting him?" "I don't know... I... I think we are..." Yes... knowing Shinji, if he ever heard about this... he would find some way to torture himself over that. "We're stupid." I concluded. We stayed silent for a few moments, just feeling the warmth we were providing to each other. It was so strange... me... enjoying Wonder Girl's warmth... I drifted off to sleep, and I think she did the same afterwards. We were hurt, Ayanami probably rather badly, covered with our blood, some of it making small puddles on the floor, but I... I don't know why... at that very moment... I felt at peace. * * * My eyes snapped open and I stood up, my heart racing in my chest. My whole body was still aching, but the pain wasn't strong enough to stop me from sitting up. I looked around, recognizing the only part of NERV I hated: the infirmary. I realized, however, that unlike other times, I was in a two-bed room. In the other bed lay Ayanami. Her left arm was wrapped in bandages, which went up under the sleeve of her hospital gown, which in turn probably hid other bandages. To top it off, her right arm was in a cast. She had some bandages around her head too, as well as sticking plasters all over her face. I realized that I had some too when I rubbed my left cheek with my hand, then wincing as I realized I had touched it with one of the fingers what was now missing half of a nail. By now, I was really feeling the pain she caused me... No, she wasn't the source of this pain. This was all my fault. "Damn, that was a horrible nightmare." I found myself saying as I forgot my injuries and remembered why I had awoken so suddenly. "A nightmare?" asked the blue haired girl as she slowly opened her eyes and sat up as well on her bed, gritting her teeth to overcome the pain. I wouldn't admit it, but I was impressed. "Don't tell me you don't know what a nightmare is?" I said, trying to sound annoyed, but not really succeeding. "Dreams... nightmares... these are things I am not used to..." "Oh... Well, I had one." I didn't really know what else to say. Now that I didn't have anything to complain about, I found myself not knowing what to say to this girl. She surprised me in actually trying to make a conversation. "What happened in your... nightmare?" I really didn't want to tell, but she kept insisting, as if it was important to her. And it's weird because... after a moment... I actually felt the urge to tell her. To get that out of my mind, I guess. To share my fears with her. This is what friends are for, right? But how could I know? Sohryu Asuka Langley is not afraid of anything, so of course she doesn't need to talk to her friends. Friends... I only had Hikari... and it was more or less superficial. There was Shinji... but he wasn't here... I suddenly felt very alone. So I spoke. "Well, we were in the apartment. I think we were both in our plugsuits, and... we... we were both holding one of Shinji's arms... we... we were pulling in opposite directions. Then... suddenly... he screamed and tore in half... there was blood... a shower of blood that covered all of my face... and I realize that I was holding half of him... hanging limply, lifeless... it was horrible... I felt like I had killed him..." "This is interesting." "Interesting!? How can you say that?! We killed Shinji in that stupid horrible dream!" The girl slowly shook her head. "This is not what I meant. This is interesting because... I had the same... nightmare..." I gasped. How was that possible? We had made... the same dream? Was it some kind of... telepathic dream? No... that sounded stupid. A premonition perhaps...? This couldn't happen. No. This *wouldn't* happen... I was startled as I felt one arm slide over my waist and two breasts pressing themselves on my back. "What... what the hell are you doing?!" I shouted, as I squirmed to get away from that girl. She just held me tighter. "Shinji would not want you to be worried or in pain." I felt a finger touch my wet cheek. Wet cheek? Had I been crying? It was odd to be hugged this way by my rival. But it felt comforting too. How could she be so kind to me? Was that what Shinji saw in her? My thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Misato. She had a rather angry look on her face. It didn't take a genius to guess what she was about to say. "What has gotten into you two?! We're already missing a pilot, so the last thing we need are stupid fights where our two available pilots tries to kill one another! For God's sake, you were both bleeding when I've found you!" The Major then got a good look at us. I'm pretty sure, if it was physically possible, her jaw may have fallen on the floor. "A... Asuka... look... look at Rei..." Misato obviously seemed to try and sound angry, but it took some time for her to get over the shock of seeing Rei hugging me. "You... you broke her arm! It will take at least three weeks before it heals enough for her to be fit for duty! How irresponsible can you get?" I kept to myself a reply that came to mind about irresponsible guardians and their drinking habits. No need to put myself into more trouble then I already was. Was Shinji's influence beginning to rub onto me? Arg, what an horrible thought... "I am sorry, Major Katsuragi. We had an argument and we lost our temper. I should not have allowed that to happen. I am sorry." Ayanami... taking my defense. While I felt grateful, my hurt pride took over. "No! She's lying! It's all my fault, it's me who attac..." Misato silenced me simply by raising her hand. She shook her head. Her expression softened as she looked at us again. "Okay, okay, girls, I guess you're both sorry for... what happened. The most important thing is that you're both okay. But I don't want to see you fight again!" We both nodded. "Good! Now, I have some good news for you girls!" said Misato, back to her usual happy self. "Really?" we both asked in unison. There was only one subject we both would consider as 'good news'. "Yeah! We've found a way to pull Shinji out of Unit-01. Ritsuko will try it in a few days. There is still some data to collect and compute... but it should work. He'll be back!" I don't know how my face looked, but I think it was a mix of surprise and joy. I looked at my left. Ayanami was smiling. I realized it was really the first time I saw her smile... well, smiling without Shinji around. Maybe the world's coming to an end. Or maybe not. I guess she felt what I felt... joy, and relief. "You should try to get some rest you two..." Misato finally said. She looked at us a moment... blinked a few times, then left mumbling something about needing a beer. I looked at Rei, she looked at me and we both burst out laughing. Yes... it felt odd, but good... * * * "What if he does not come back?" The question startled me. I was eating my bowl of ramen in front of Rei. After a few days, we actually... became friends. We played video games, cards, and we even sometimes went for walks in the park. I guess this is what friends usually did. I sometimes did the same with Hikari. But we also talked a lot, often sharing our fears... mainly fears about one specific subject. "Don't say such things, Rei-chan. He WILL come back..." "But... if he does not come back, I do not know what I will do. I do not know how I will be able to live on. He is all that I have." "Baka! Do you really think that way? This is completely stupid! You're your own person, Rei! You're not just Shinji's girlfriend! Your life is not limited to Shinji! Look at yourself! He's not here now, but life is still going on!" "Yes... but... it hurts..." She did look hurt. That sad expression on her face. I knew what she felt... I felt it myself. "He'll come back, you know. Only two days... then he'll be back with us. Believe in him." "You are right, Asuka-chan. He will. I feel sorry for doubting in him." The girl smiled... amazing what those dentists could do with fake teeth these days. I couldn't however help feeling a bit guilty each time I saw that smile. I felt even more uncomfortable when I looked at her right arm, currently resting on the table. Doctor Akagi had removed the cast two days earlier. I doubted that it was completely healed, but it seemed the Commander had ordered it removed, as it was preventing Rei from attending synch tests. Rei didn't protest, not very surprisingly, even though her arm probably wasn't fully healed yet. It looked normal and she never showed signs of pain, but I could tell it wasn't alright, the way she avoided using it as much as she could. Amazing how fast this girl got used to doing everything with her left arm. A month earlier, I would likely have felt disgusted at her attitude, obeying the Commander like a puppet. But now, I could only admire the strength she showed, even though I did think she should at least have protested a bit. Maybe a bit of Sohryu Asuka Langley influence would change that... I could still hardly believe how we now got along. I think that together, we could manage to face Shinji's absence more easily, drawing strength and comfort from each other. We even lived together now in Rei's apartment. Misato had been so shocked when I asked her to move here, and the look on her face had been priceless. Now, we sleep under the same roof, in different rooms of course, I'm not a hentai... well, except when it comes to Shin-chan, and the weirdest thing is that it felt natural. "Say, Rei-chan..." I asked, trying to change the subject a little. "Yes?" "You remember that dream we both had when we were at the hospital?" "Yes I do." she answered in her usual monotone voice. Strangely, that didn't irritate me anymore. Well, maybe a bit. But each time I told her about that, Rei tried to put a bit more life in her voice... she was making efforts... for me. I decided to do the same. "Well... I was thinking... that... maybe we shouldn't fight over him anymore. I think... he suffers from that. We should let him make a choice... when he'll want to. What do you think?" "This would be very wise, indeed." "Yeah, that's what I thought! Hehe." I giggled uncontrollably. I was having a serious discussion with Rei, and I don't know why, but it made me giggle like a little girl. "What is so funny?" she finally asked after something like two minutes of my uncontrollable giggling. "We're making a truce. It seems so unrealistic. Shinji will never believe that!" "Man evolves, and can become friend with his worst enemies." "THAT is thoughtful, Rei-chan..." "I think that, if we love Shin-chan as much as we pretend to, we should do whatever we can to avoid making him suffer." "You're right. You're absolutely right." Yeah. Again. Wonder Girl was right. "It is starting to get late." she said while finishing her meal. "Yeah, maybe we should go to bed..." I added, soon standing up to help her wash the dishes. I didn't feel tired. But the earlier I would go to bed, the more quickly this day would end and a new one would start. Soon, Shinji, soon... you'll be back to us... END --- Translation notes: Sterbe!!! : Die!!! --- Author's notes: This little project had been in my head for quite some time, until Alain told me someone else wanted to do it as well. So I hurried up and began to write! This is my second attempt at narrative style. I hope I'll get used to it soon, because that's how I'd like to write my future fics. Maybe even rewrite Child Of Love in this way. But that's another story! I still have a lot of things to do! ^_^ I began this side story with only one or two ideas. The rest popped out as I wrote :) It's funny how inspiration comes and gets you sometimes... The whole thing has been retooled by Alain Gravel himself. Since it's a side story about his masterpiece [Really, Axel, masterpiece may be too much of a word - Alain], I think he had all the rights to do so. I'm surprised that only one person (Stephie-chan! :) ) asked for this side-story. After all, Alain mentioned that side story in Chapter 7. Now what am I going to do? I don't have any real projects for now, except for Body Heat II (it won't be lemon this time ^_^) and another fic "Just a child..." inspired by Tokyo-3 Baby-sitter (damn you Alain, you're everywhere!!!! ^_^). Yes, it was me, the "friend who was really interested by the idea of this fic." I apologize for the fact that TOILI was put on hold for some time. It was all my fault! Gomen! I thank all my usual pre-readers (too lazy to go check my address book and pick up the list...) You know who you are :) See you soon! Axel Terizaki The One I Love Is... homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Teahouse/2236 ASUKA's Notebook: http://asukanotebook.tsx.org